From Shadow to Shadow
Poem
by Erin Bennett
Dodging the shadows while being one yourself is not an easy
way to visit your dying mother. I cannot let the others know where I'm
traveling this very night. I've sworn to keep my presence a secret. Only
my victims have the privilege to see my face before slipping into oblivion. Once taken in, there was no going back. No more seeing friends from your precious childhood. No
more visits to your mortal family. No contact what so ever. We're dead
to the world and we'll remain that way till we are no more.
Such a promise is hard to keep. I for one was never held back by some
damn rules. I have snuck away many times to live among the living.
I have paid countless mortals countless visits. But never my family.
They are to keep believing that I'm dead. They went to my funeral; they
watched my body sink into the ground. What they didn't see I'm sure
they would've never wanted to see. They didn't witness my maker digging me
up to reappear as a beautiful creature of the night.
For forty years he taught me. Where to go. Who to see. All
the alternatives. Where to sleep. What to drink. What to love. Hate.
You get the point.
But after these little lessons I would sneak away to be with the
living. I'd go to local bars, dance clubs, stores, theaters, movies, and
various other places I was forbidden to go. I'd talk to people. I'd watch
people laugh, cry, smile, love, and die. I'd walk at night away from my
brethren to find some whore worthy enough to feed from. Most of the
time, these bitches had no purpose but to prostitute themselves. I killed these lustful pigs without the slightest hint of remorse.
If you can't enjoy life and only seek one thing that causes greed, then you
don't deserve to live in my book. There are those however, who actually
explain to me their purposes. Whether they have a sick child at home
and they can't afford treatment, or if they have to pay off their debts,
I try to turn their lives around. I respect someone who respects life.
But, even so, they have chosen the wrong way to help themselves, and
for that I drain them to the point of sickness. They live mind you; they
just fall into a deep sleep and I return them to their homes. Those
that I kill, I carefully dispose of their bodies or I find their pimps and
leave their corpses on the doorstep. I know my brothers and sisters
would be proud, but I'm sure the mortals wouldn't. Pretty soon they'll be
searching for Jack the Ripper or El Chupacabra. Can't have that
every morning in the papers.
My focus for now is to slip away to the hospital my mother is lying in.
News has gotten out that she has fallen ill and wishes to see me. She
wishes for me to be near her. I know this for the simple fact that I
have heard her cries in my dreams. I know this in my heart. I feel her
pain. She wishes for me. And I'll go. We may not have had a quiet past,
but she is still my mother. She gave birth to me. She was my first
teacher. She fed me, clothed me, sheltered me, and protected me. I cannot let
that be in vain. She took care of me till she no longer could. I love
her for that.
I love her.
At my mother's hospital I silently seek out her scent. I listen for her heartbeat. I finally
find her. She is alone which is good. With no difficulty, I shape shift
into a shadow and glide up and into my mother's window.
I walk over to her giving off no sound. No foot fall. She snored
lightly and only one light lit the room to a dim gold. IV's were sprouting
from her arms. Her face is pale and her time is near. To many wrinkles
covered her lovely features. I touch her cheek lightly and sit on the
bed. I look over to the side table and see a picture of me. I smiled and
turned back to her as she was opening her eyes.
"Mom?" I whispered.
She wriggled her head and fluttered her eyes. I smile down at her. She
became transfixed. I knew she was trying to find words. I waited
patiently for her to say something. Tears came out of her eyes.
"Are you an angel? Cause you always were."
I cupped her hand in mine.
"Am I dreaming?" she asked in a hoarse tone.
I nodded. "Yes, mom. You're dreaming."
"Well, I wanna speak anyway."
I nodded again.
"I've always loved you, Erin. I hope you know that. You were always my
little girl. I-I know we had our differences, but I just want you to
know that I never hated you. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for
being so hard on you that day. I always blamed myself for your suicide. I
never hated you, though. She turned to me. Do you believe me?"
"Yes." I held back my tears as I remembered that day we fought.
"Do you know that I love you?"
"Yes." I sniffed.
"Was I a bad mother?"
"No," I ran my hand through her coarse gray hair. "You never were. You
were a mother and I was your daughter."
She closed her eyes and nodded. "I-I think I wanna wake up now. She
patted my hand. I love you, Erin."
And just like that, she flat-lined. I knew the nurses would be in here
soon, but I cried. I kissed her hand. I kissed her head. I kissed her
mouth.
"I love you too, mom." I sniffed. "So much."
I cried and cried and cried.
From Shadow to Shadow© COPYRIGHT 2006 Erin Bennett.
Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author.
05/23/06
