Meeting Her Parents
Short Story
by Rachel Reilly
Well, I guess I should introduce myself before I tell you my story. I
am David, and I am a senior in High School. I've been going out with
this junior, Julia for about 2 months, I'm not really sure, but if you
asked her, she would know. You know how girls are. Well, anyway, I met
her parents yesterday and I hoped that they would like me. Usually
mothers like me, they think that I am a nice young gentlemen. I almost
expected them to think the same thing, but let me tell you what really
happened.
I walked up to the door and Julia did not answer, however, her father,
Joe, did. He stood there like the gatekeeper to Heaven like the guard
of the pearly gates or rather to Hell, as I would later learn that he
seems satanic. Now, her father is the type who does not like me for the
sole reason that I am dating his daughter. In fact, I don't think Joe
even wanted to give me a chance. When he opened the door he had a
somber look on his face that asked why I was there.
I stuck out my hand to shake his and I started to tell him why I was at
his doorstep. I said, Hello sir, my name is David. He didn't say a
word or shake my hand. He just stepped out of the way. Then, thank
God, Julia came and opened the screen door and ushered me in.
She said, David, this is my dad, Joe. Dad, this is David. Then Joe
said the only words I would hear him say the whole night.
Scowling and glaring, he proclaimed, It's Mr. Watson, then he walked
down stairs.
Overcome with the smell of the food, I staggered in. The food smelled
remarkably cheesy, and spiced to perfection.
Next, her mother ran up to me and started saying something. I would
tell you what, but I couldn't understand a word that woman said, not
only because she was talking so fast, but also because she had a thick
German accent. I just smiled and nodded, and I was a little bit more
confident because she seemed really pleased to meet me. She was talking for
a while, and then she walked to the kitchen where she was preparing
dinner. As I was following Julia, who was following Mrs. Watson, Julia's
three-year-old brother, Eddie, ran up to me. Eddie is the coolest
little kid I have ever seen. He was walking around in his pajama shirt,
which was only halfway buttoned, and his pajama pants, which were on
backwards, holding a toy train and yelling toot toot.
When he saw me, or rather almost ran into me head-on, he asked, What's
your name?
I told him, My name is David. What's your name?
Then he said Why? Now, knowing that I had every capability of
frustrating this kid, I thought I might. Then I considered that when I
managed to aggravate my three-year-old nephew who was in the why? stage
himself, he didn't talk to me for a full day. So, I thought better of it
considering that Julia and Eddie might be my only saving graces for the
family.
I wanted Eddie to like me, so I replied, Cause you know my name, so
I want to know yours.
Inevitably, he said, Why? I just kept talking to him, and trying to
answer his questions, which never failed to be Why? until Julia
liberated me by asking me to go with her to tell her sister that it was time
for dinner. Eddie followed, so I figure he probably does not think
that I am that bad. Her little sister, Nicole, was in her room posing in
front of the mirror in her pink tutu, pink tights, and pink ballet
slippers. Smiling happily, she said she was practicing the five landing
positions.
As cheerful as can be, she asked, Do you want to see them?
Of course, I replied.
And Eddie said Why?
She showed them to me, with as much enthusiasm as I had expected and
more, so I told her she looked very pretty and asked her how long she
has been dancing.
Since I was 5, she replied, with a big grin.
Eddie said Why?
Wait. How old are you? I asked, realizing that although she has not
been dancing that long, she is very ambitious.
Why? Eddie asked.
Eight. How old are you? she said. I told her I was 17, and Eddie
asked Why?
Nicole, it's time for dinner. Do you want to change, or eat in that?
asked Julia. Nicole smiled and said she would change; after all, she
didn't want to get her ballet clothes dirty. We left Eddie with Nicole,
and all the way down the hall, we heard a resounding Why? and then
Nicole trying to explain why for every question. In the end, we heard
Why? followed by a Why not? over and over.
I told Julia that I liked her family and asked if she thought they
liked me. She very honestly told me, Well, my dad doesn't, but my mom
does, and I think Eddie and Nicole do.
I laughed and said, No, you're right, your dad doesn't like me. I
like Eddie and Nicole though. They seem nice. Although I cannot
understand your mom, she seems excited.
She told me to be ready for more, because we had to go downstairs,
where I had no intention of ever going, and tell her dad, Mr. Watson, that
dinner was ready. As we walked down the stairs, ready to enter what is
referred to as The Dungeon, I saw many disturbing things. The
stairwell was painted to reflect the ruins of a castle, with the walls broken
down and the sky showing out of the top. Once you got to the bottom,
however, the ceiling was intact. There are two lanterns on the
ceilings, in place of normal light fixtures, which didn't provide very much
light at all. Hanging on the walls leading to The Dungeon were many
weapons, such as a double flail, a single flail, and some spear-looking
thing. I was so afraid that I just reached out to touch the ax before
realizing what I was doing. It felt cold, hard, and sharp. Luckily I
did not cut myself and I was able to come back to my senses quick enough,
before something would happen. By then, I was pretty much ready to
turn around and run back into the well-lit kitchen. But I ventured on,
and low and behold when we were about to cross the threshold into The
Dungeon I happened to read the sign above the door, which said Abandon
All Hope Ye Who Enter. Okay, so I figure I shouldn't enter, but on we
went, to encounter more frightening features. We opened the door, well
actually Julia opened it and was the first to go in, since I was now
very discouraged about my chances of survival.
We walked into the basement, if you can still even call it that, where
I warily entered into a very large room, which was decorated very
medieval-ish. The first thing I saw was Mr. Watson sitting on a dark, blood
red couch sharpening one of his various swords. He looked like an
ancient warrior getting ready for battle. This first sight was accompanied
by a quick glance around the room, which was comprised of dark red
wallpaper, a cracked mirror, and swords, axes, daggers, and any other scary
looking weapon you could imagine, hanging on the wall above the couch.
I stole a look to my left where I noticed a very large white cage; in
it I would learn was a very large boa constrictor, which ate guinea
pigs. Above that I saw a shelf adorned with several small, ancient
looking, helmets of different soldiers, or just the gruesome beasts from the
Lord of the Rings movies. Needless to say, in this time frame I didn t
even have a chance to recognize the huge green-winged macaw behind me
that was ready to attack at any moment to peck my eyes out. This
wild-caught massive bird has the intention of hurting anybody that he does
not know that would be me. So I steered clear of him and thought I was
ready to face her dad.
Julia casually said, Dad, dinner s ready, and began to hop back out
of the room and up the stairs.
Her dad just grunted, so I assumed a speedy pace and was hot on the
heels of Julia trying to get out of The Dungeon.
Dinner was an episode all in itself. The dinner was some food called
Noodle Lauf Lauf, served with saur kraut, and Panni Knödel. As I'm
sure they all imagined, I had no idea how to even go about eating this. I
watched them all eat this German feast, to figure out what to do. I
did not want to say anything, but I didn't like the saur kraut, but I ate
it anyway. The noodle lauf lauf was very good, and the Panni Knödel
was excellent. For dessert, we had Lebkuchen, which is a type of German
cake. The Lebkuchen tasted just like regular, American, angel food
cake, except more stale, harder than cake, but without the stale taste,
just the texture. I liked it.
Directly after dinner, Julia's mom realized that it was past Nicole
and Eddie's bedtime. She said goodbye to me in a very friendly, yet
hectic way, while telling Nicole and Eddie to brush their teeth. She led
them down the hallway toward the bathroom.
Eddie, let me help you put your pajamas on straight, we could hear
her say down from the dining room.
Why? said Eddie. He didn't really ask, because Eddie thinks that
Why? can just be used at any given time to mean anything he really
means to say.
You tried, but you put the bottoms on backwards and the top isn't
buttoned right, she said as she was undressing, and redressing her little
boy.
Why? Eddie asked, then he told her, I think they look fine.
I started laughing and so did Julia. But when I looked over at Mr.
Watson, he wasn't laughing, he wasn't even smiling. He glowered at me
and walked downstairs. I assume he wanted to finish sharpening his
swords, as there were many more to be sharpened. Once he finished with the
swords, he would probably start on the axes and spears. Any weapon
imaginable, I think this man had.
Julia walked me to the door. I gave her a kiss and told her that
next time she is coming to my house for dinner. She laughed and said she
was looking forward to it. It makes me wonder what embarrassing things
my parents will do. After all, all parents are weird in some ways, and
since all parents are there to make their child's life miserable, I
know that my parents will do something to my disliking.
Meeting the Parents© COPYRIGHT 2004 Rachel Reilly. Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author. 05/27/04
