A Moment Out of Time
Story
by Stephanie Lim Uy
Amidst the dried leaves and swings, surrounded by trees whose wet barks were a testament to the raging
storm of the night before, the girl sat alone. Feet propped on the table, butt on top of the bench backrest, she
breathed deeply, at ease with her surroundings. Even as a single breeze tried
to whip her hair about her face, her veneer reflected calm.
The girl tried to compose her thoughts as she waited. Only her hands
betraying her agitation as she played with something she had twisted
around her finger.
It seemed an eternity before he came. But then, she had come almost an
hour early, knowing he would be late. He almost always was, especially
if the occasion was somber, such as now. She knew he would try to
unfold the events about to happen at home just as she had done, sitting here
on this bench.
"Hi" he greeted; sitting down beside her atop the backrest.
"Hey" she said with a small smile, turning to look at him. He was just
as she had always pictured, he still had that same lopsided grin. His
eyes still crinkled at the corners when he laughed. He still wore his
clothes with the nonchalant grace he always had This was something she
had to remember: Darian was the only guy she knew who projected a
careless air even when wearing a coat and tie. It was as if he felt dressing
was a waste of time, an activity he had to suffer for propriety's
sake.
His eyes were still smiling albeit now they contained a hint
of something else, sorrow or maybe even regret. "So, what time is your flight tomorrow?"
"Noon. Though we'll be leaving for the airport at around ten."
"I see."
He looked away then towards the old narra tree with drooping branches
where they used to spend their days - climbing and taunting each to
dangle their limbs like monkeys from the highest branch they could reach.
It was amazing how they didn't break their necks. He thought now.
Those were the days of their childhood when he still lived in the
house two doors down from hers; when his parents still lived together, the
days before their relationship changed, before they changed.
"Do you want to walk around?" he asked, breaking the silence. He hopped down the
bench and offered his hand to her. Just like old times.
She looked into his face for a moment and nodded, taking his proffered
hand and twisting their fingers together. She let him pull her gently
beside him; and he brushed her bangs away, his thumb lingering in her
chin as he caressed her face. They looked at each other for a moment,
drinking in each other's features. The girl breathed in his scent. Until
now, she remembers that combination of skin and perfume, a scent
uniquely his.
He smiled. His thumb tracing feathery circles round the back of her
hand. Then he began tugging her towards the street, under the light, where
they had fought bitterly and talked honestly the night they decided to
break up for good.
"Do you remember this spot?" he asked, turning to look her. Their hands
still linked by their sides.
Carefully, she looked around before replying. The street was already
empty devoid of the usual children running around with their nannies
during the day. This time of night, it was already utterly dark the only
light, shining around their circumference. She could hear the remnants
of the day's events, the joy, the laughter of children, the
enthusiastic barking of pets being walked around the block, even the faint
giggles of maids flirting with the guards being echoed by the street.
It was usually a place associated with laughter and giggles, with ice cream
and make-believe. A place where fantasy mixed with reality where the
carefree joys of childhood mixed with the realization of limits and of
pain.
"Yes." Her words almost choked her. They had experienced so much
together. Each could never remember a time without knowing the other. The girl
took a deep breath; almost shuddering as she tried to control her
tears. The pain in her chest is intense. But she had resolved not to cry.
Not to cry because this, this farewell had to be done. Done now before
they wind up hurting each other further. They had to grow up first, to
dream on their own before they can dream together.
"Let's go to the swings."
They walked slowly. The leaves crunching beneath their feet.
Darian stared at the back of the girl's head, trying to commit it to
memory. He remembered countless instances when that head rested on his
shoulder, its weight a welcome and pleasant burden. Tomorrow and all the
days after, he would never experience that familiar heaviness again.
Tomorrow, she would go away to pursue her own destiny, her own dreams.
Dreams, which didn't include him The past few months had been hard.
Harder than he could have imagined. He never thought he could drive her
away. But he could. And he did. The resentments which once occupied his
heart are gone. All that's left is an aching sadness, a profound sense
of loss. His bestfriend. His soulmate. The One Great Love of his life
will never be his again.
He stopped, forcing the girl to look back at him questioningly. She
tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, silently asking him what the
problem was. He had never taken the time to fully appreciate her during
these last months. Unlike the other girls he knew, she was without
artifice or guile. Her eyes mirrored her every thought and she could never
hide how she felt from him. Until recently. Recently, looking into her
eyes had been like looking into a hole, fathomless and mysterious. Deep,
dark and full of secrets. Shuttered and closed against him. Now, they
were once again open and shining, filled with expectation.
No matter how painful their break-up, he doesn't regret putting the joy
back into her eyes.
"Dare?" she asked giving him a light tug.
With a start, Darian came back to the present, focusing his eyes toward
her inquiring ones.
He smiled his small smile, one which doesn't reach his eyes. "I love
you, you know" he whispered "I will love you forever".
She didn't say anything; just stepped closer and took his face between
her hands. Tenderly, she kissed his forehead and, then slowly,
silently, they resumed walking.
A second later, they reached the swings. The girl sat down on one and
gave it a wild push, swinging her legs and stretching them
enthusiastically towards the heavens.
"When I go, try to return here, okay?" she turned to look at him after
a moment passed, stopping her swing gracelessly and clinking the chains
together as she did so.
"Of course!", he laughed suddenly. "After all, this was where you asked
me to marry you, remember?" His eyes twinkled and he wriggled his
eyebrows at her comically.
The girl's laughter rang out like a bell. She uninhibitedly clutched
her belly in amusement. "My first and last proposal," she declared after
putting her giggles under control. "You ran away, as I recall" she
jokingly accused looking mischievously at his sheepish face. He had
looked so mortified when she did that all those years ago.
Then slowly, their laughter faded. Whoever thought that saying goodbye
would be this hard? Especially after all the pain they've felt these
past few months.
They had never meant to hurt anyone; least of all each other. He was an
essential part of her. Causing him pain these past months hurt her more
than she could bear. But no matter how much she loved him, she must love
him enough to let go. She must love herself enough to give her dreams,
and his, a chance.
"Tasha, do you think we'll see each other again someday?" His voice,
softly uttered, reverberated through her musings.
"I don't know" she said, without looking at him. "I love you. But I
know this love would prove meaningless in time if I don't learn to love
myself first. I love you too much to blame you for untried dreams." She
paused. "I know in your heart, you feel the same way. This is the right
thing to do. You know that, too."
He did. He did know it.
They had been bestfriends before they became lovers. They were each
other's confidantes. It had seemed that their souls were intertwined
Darian and Natasha - two halves of a whole. A unit formed without
hesitations, without reservations. But now, that bond has changed. They had been
a couple so long; they lost themselves.
In their years together, they gradually forgot who they were. Tiny cracks began to appear. Cracks that
were ignored until they grew. And grew. And grew. Not in magnitude but
in frequency Where their days had once been filled with teasing
revelry, they now became tormented with hostile silences. Where they had once
striven to solve spats through loving words and thoughtful gestures,
they now let arguments stretch on for weeks. Weeks of prideful silence
from both sides. No matter how much each loved the other, time came that
they became tired. So tired of fighting, then making up only to repeat
the cycle. It had begun to seem endless.
Their arguments may be small and superficial, but their souls felt the
weight of a deeper sorrow, a deeper discontent. Where once they
energized each other's spirit, now they just felt exhausted. It had been so
tiring to fight day in and day out over inanities Both had reacted to
this malevolence by lashing out. Words were exchanged. Heated and
hurtful words, which found their targets with unerring force, successfully
piercing their shield of pretence.
Everything was not fine between them.
He sighed. Those words cannot be undone nor taken back.
Finally, after the hurt had faded somewhat, they talked about what had
happened to them. About things they had suppressed for a long time.
Feelings of sadness and hurt they had kept secret, thoughts they had
ignored and pushed away.
"Darian?"
He slowly looked at her.
"Don't be afraid to grab the brass ring, okay?" She gave him a gentle
grin, squeezing his cold hand between both of hers. She had left her
swing to stand in front of him. Darian slowly stood up, too.
He gave her a hug. A hug, which spoke of his feelings. Of his desire
that she find what she was looking for, even without him. A hug, which
spoke of their shared history, of their friendship, and their love for
each other. He no longer had to say the words she understood them. Understood them completely - for her soul mournfully echoed his sentiments.
She had always been the best half of who he was the better part of his
soul. Their hug spoke of all that had happened: their passion, their
friendship, even their laughter and pain. The love they once shared will
always be treasured though it had broken under the ravages of time.
Reluctantly, but with purpose, she gave him one last squeeze, and
slowly withdrew from his embrace. He pressed something in her hand and
closed chilled fingers around it. Whatever it was, was still warm from his
body heat.
Darian looked into her eyes for the last time.
"Don't hate me" he breathed, pressing his lips to hers.
The kiss lasted only a second before he turned away. "Be happy", he
whispered with a mangled sigh; then he ran off into the night until only
the echo of his boots trampling the leaves blown all around could be
heard.
She stood there a moment longer before peering down at her hand. What
did he give her? It felt smooth to the touch. Slowly, she opened her
palm and choked back a laugh. Nestled within was a pocket watch. The same
one he'd given her when they first got together. The testament to their
story. Every time they were apart, one would always have the
watch. To remember that the days they're not together comprise only a
moment out of reality, only a moment out of time. She smiled even as a tear trickled down her cheek.
And with a start, the girl woke up. In her hand was imprinted the body of a watch. The silver tarnished by
ceaseless handling through the many years after his passing.
A Moment Out of Time© COPYRIGHT 2005 Stephanie Lim Uy. Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author. 12/21/05
