Expectations
Short Story
by Jacson "Dizzo" Bevens
Dartanion knew that if he didn't do it now, his opportunity
would vanish as quickly as the details from a dream upon waking. Looking
into her eyes, he saw more than the beauty that had lured him into his
three-year pursuit of her. He saw a frightened little girl staring back
at him, revealing a vulnerability that until now, she had worked so
hard at hiding.
This was a situation that Dartanion had only let himself imagine in
his most secretive state of mind. Olivia was making herself available to
him; her gorgeous body trembling in his loose embrace, her subtly
pouting lips slightly parted, and her endlessly beautiful blue eyes locked
on his.
Dartanion had no idea how long they shared that gaze, but the
intensity and intimacy of it nearly reduced him to tears in spite of himself.
Olivia was the one who finally looked away. As she slowly closed her
eyes, the soft contact of her eyelids squeezed out a small tear that
trickled momentarily before coming to rest on her cheek. She nestled her
head between his shoulder and chin, her forehead pressed against his neck.
Dartanion s thoughts suddenly focused on whether or not his two-day
stubble was making that uncomfortable for her. However, Olivia seemed
quite content and he found himself lightly running his fingers down the
graceful curve of her throat, almost instinctively, as though he had done
it a hundred times before.
He could only imagine what was running through the mind that was
hidden behind Olivia's pretty face whether she felt at peace with him, as
he hoped or if she was as nervous as he was. Pondering this, Dartanion
became acutely aware of the bead of sweat making its way down the back
of his neck.
He tightened his embrace and pulled Olivia's body full against his.
His left hand rested at the middle of her slender back and his right hand
found its way to the ends of her lush, dark brown hair at her shoulder.
The long, elegant strands of her hair were to his fingers what rich
Belgian chocolate is to the taste buds.
In his imagination, this moment had always been so much more physical,
so much more sexual. Like so many 18 year old guys, his libido often
took control of his female-related thoughts. In his fantasies, the
situation always quickly escalated into passionate kissing followed by heated
body contact and the feverish journeys of their hands over each other's
bodies.
Sometimes he allowed the fantasy to go further, but at this moment,
with the tender warmth of Olivia s tiny body cradled in his arms, he
became startlingly aware of the worth of a woman. His lustful desires were
replaced by a longing to care for this girl as long as the Lord allowed
him to. All of a sudden, second base was no more than a baseball term
to Dartanion.
He had never done more than kiss a girl and that was two years ago,
after the Homecoming dance. Even that kiss was more of an action based on
a combination of teenage hormones and the perceived expectations of two
kids trying to act older than they were than it was an act of emotion.
It had been awkward and rushed and it was never repeated.
Olivia s left hand tucked itself up under Dartanion's shirt and lightly
stroked his stomach. Olivia had lost her virginity to the most popular
guy at Lincoln Junior High when she was 13. She had reached puberty
earlier than most of her seventh-grade peers and quickly became the object
of desire to the boys who walked the same halls as she.
Unbeknownst to her, Olivia was the main topic of conversation at boys
sleepovers and was, to many of their minds, more of a prize to be won
than the intelligent, genuine, innocent girl that she was in reality.
When the best athlete at the school finally bedded her that Spring, he
had done so by telling her that sex was what people did when they loved
each other, and he had made a point all week of telling Olivia that he
loved her. Grateful for the attention and too trusting to think that he
could have any ulterior motives, Olivia submitted herself to him and
became the biggest notch in a belt that would see many before it was
done.
The next day, there wasn't a kid in the school that didn't know about
it. Olivia was crushed at the betrayal of her first attempt at intimacy
but still convinced herself, in the way that a seventh-grade girl gives
precedence to emotion over reason, that he still loved her. It wasn't
long before Olivia had become convinced that sex was a necessary element
of love. It was a mindset that had stayed with her ever since.
Dartanion had also allowed himself to see Olivia as somewhat of a
trophy as he had attempted to fit in with the jocks earlier in his high
school career. Not much of an athlete, he had tried to prove his worth to
them by participating in their vulgar locker room talks. It was
something that he was ashamed of, even more intensely now that he held the
object of his desire close to his chest.
Eventually, he found a group of friends that anyone would have a hard
time classifying as a certain high school demographic and the need to
assert himself sexually had subsided considerably since then.
Nevertheless, here she was, gently tugging on the waistband of his
sweats, getting ready to start this relationship the same way she had
started every relationship for the past five years. They still hadn't spoken
since he had brazenly walked into her room ten minutes ago, there had
been no need to.
Suddenly, in a move that caused Dartanion to wonder if he'd be kicking
himself the next day for doing, he took her wandering hands in his and
squeezed them tenderly. She looked up into his light green eyes, eyes
that at this particular moment, reminded her of the reflection of the
trees off of the surface of the lake behind her childhood home.
Her face became quizzical. Didn't he want her? Didn't he want to sleep
with her? Wasn't she attractive enough. Insecurities began to flood her
mind. Yet somehow, with a half-smile, Dartanion put her fears to rest
with a nobility that would have made his literary namesake proud.
In an instant, Olivia was transported from the world of love that she
thought existed into a realm where true intimacy reigned. Dartanion too
was taken aback by the unflinching sincerity of the moment. They looked
at each other in a way that startled and excited them both. Olivia
closed her eyes and subtly lifted her chin upwards. With a joy that
resonated deep within him and a nervousness just as firmly embedded, Dartanion
took the cue and leaned in.
Her slightly parted lips met his and they both instantly caught a
glimpse of what true passion was. Her tongue briefly flicked against his
lips and a static shock coursed through Dartanion's entire body. The
tenderness and intimacy of the kiss lingered long after it had ended. The
rest of the night was spent in her bed, the two of them fully clothed
and yet both entirely laid bare.
Expectations© COPYRIGHT 2004 Jacson "Dizzo" Bevens. Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author. 05/27/04
