What's Love Got To Do With It?
Article
by R. Kim Gongre
I guess most everyone around my age has probably heard the pop standard
recorded by Tina Turner way back in the 80's. A decade and a song that
seemed to reflect a generation experiencing the unconscious early
stages of a deep dissatisfaction with a heritage of relationships largely
built upon fear based belief systems.
What's love got to do with it?
What's love but a sweet old-fashioned notion?
If you have ever heard the song, you might, as I did, detect a bit of
anger, resentment and ultimately resignation about the idea that love
might just be nothing more than a sweet old-fashioned notion. Things have
changed but what exactly? It seems that much depends on how one defines
what that notion was to begin with. Many people would recount a model
where our individual participation was largely defined around accepted
gender roles. While the roles have evolved it becomes increasingly
difficult to operate within a belief system that has not kept pace with the
natural expansion and expression of those roles. The conflict this
creates has led many people to express love through a filter of fear. This
fear of loss of identity is not reserved for personal relationships
alone. Each act of violence ever perpetrated begins with at least one
belief based in fear that justifies for us the committing of that violent
act. The moment we open our minds to the possibility that the way we
express love just may be old-fashioned and in need of a different
perspective, we immediately run into our fear of change and the unknown. The
familiarity of the entity we think we know, no matter that it does
not really serve our true happiness, is tempting to return to, especially
in the face of what we perceive as the complete unknown where all
manner of terrible outcomes may be lurking. One thing all of our pasts can
show us , if we choose to see, is that evolution, ascendance, a reunion
with our true selves goes on in spite of our refusal to accept the
invitation to attend the party. Our reluctance to acknowledge and examine
our fears is the simple reason many people experience their life as
anything but a party.
The ego is driving, has a full tank of high test fear-based beliefs
and is refusing to listen to the soul and take the next exit off the old
familiar loop. The Soul in its eternal nature waits patiently. The ego
in its mortality is impatiently racing around in circles and buying
"ain't skeered" and "Fear This" stickers for its windshield.
What's love got to do with it?
What's love but a second hand emotion?
Is love a second hand emotion? The first thing to consider here is that
anything we attempt to define, love or otherwise, is to each
individual exactly what they believe it to be. My belief that it may be
otherwise does not alter the personal reality of another. So, if you can
relate to this statement love is a second hand emotion you first have to
admit that you do. What then would be the first hand emotion? If we were
to answer honestly, most of the time, we would have to admit that the
clear 1st place winner in this race would be fear. If you have the
courage, observe yourself for even just 30 minutes as you interact with your
life. Notice how many of your feelings can be traced directly to fear,
assuming you are willing to admit that you may even have any fears. Try
this experiment sometime: ask a person what they are afraid of. Their
answer to the question can reveal how much in fear they are and just how
deep in denial they are about it. The person who angrily responds, I
am not afraid of anything, fears your seeing their fear and even more
importantly fears knowing it themselves. The ego is driving around in
circles again.
Seeing our own fear as an emotion that we can change is made more
difficult by the ego. When we identify with the ego as who we are, we fear.
If the ego were truly who we are that would make practical good sense.
The ego alone as an identity would indeed have much to fear. We are not
the ego alone and the belief that we are makes it all the more
difficult for our soul to take its rightful place as the director of the show.
Our belief that we are our ego, our mind, our body alone is the reason
so many of us lead lives of quiet and not so quiet desperation. We
never really find and sustain joy, hope and peace, as these belong to the
realm of the Soul. The ego, the mind, and the body are important tools,
gifts really, in order that our Soul may navigate the physical plane
but unfortunately many of us mistake the hammer, the level and the saw
for the house.
What s Love Got To Do With It?© COPYRIGHT 2004 R. Kim Gongre.
Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author.
10/14/04
