Untitled
by Marie Chasing Hawk
The sun has set once more upon a solitary stature.
Memories that haunt me still from a past I can not kill.
Like ghosts they whisper to me of nightmares and misery
until I close my eyes and you are there then it fades away like smoke
or mist.
Once I sought solace in eternal slumber but was denied.
I sought release from my pain and from a fear that was changing me
from compassionate to destructive.
Taking me away from my humanity leaving me feral and abased.
I lived in a world that was colorless dark and gray,
I existed within a lifeless form, a wanderer, an insane child lost and
sorrowful.
Then I found you and you are mine.
I want to say that I love you but love is an insipid word
for what I feel for you.
My emotions, my true emotions are pure,
good and passionate everything that I will never be
but yes I do love you.
Yet I am afraid, so much afraid of what I feel.
Maybe I need you more than I feel I do. These words are so scary for me to write,
to acknowledge, to even feel
yet I feel them and know them.
I have never felt emotions so strong
yet how am I feeling this
when I have no heart to feel
nor a soul to be consumed.
But I do feel, I yearn to touch you,
to embrace you, to breathe you into me.
I know as I write this
I am being absolutely consumed by you.
I write and speak of all that I am
and all that I feel for you
but beware this is so new for me
and I am so scared, scared of us, of me and of my feelings.
We are so different yet I want to be with you,
always, to hear you laugh, to see you smile.
I am in heaven when I sense you are near,
my eyes light up like a newborn star when I see you,
I want to be there to take away the coldness in your eyes
and the distance in your heart.
I trust you without reason.
I trust you with every part of my being.
I am yours my fire, my fury,
my heat and my passion.
I want to fade away into you
because losing you scares me more than death.
Dying for heaven but living in hell.
Caught deep within an angel's neurotic nightmare.
Afraid to dream, even more afraid to be awake.
Without you there's nothing left of my soul to take.
Sweet sorrow and wretched suffering
I am condemned in my love for you.
Untitled© COPYRIGHT 2006 Marie Chasing Hawk. Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author. 04/14/06
