The Redneck and the Porno Star
Poem
Scotty "Boom-Body" McManus
A redneck went into a bar
And ordered a strong drink
He drove an old and beat up car
And didn't like to think
His favorite past time was to push
His tolerance to the brink
This redneck sat and drank a lot
A whole lot through the night
He drank a lot of his strong draught
And decided to start a fight
He swung a chair round and round
And threw it like a kite
But his drunken stupor landed him
A fortnight in a jail
He stayed through the whole fortnight
Since he could not pay bail
He finally got his freedom and
His lustfulness set sail
He went that night to LA seeking
The very cream of the crop
He walked through the busy streets
At night and did not stop
Until he found quite a looker
Who wore a real tight top
She said she was a porno star
And made films constantly
She made a film just yesterday
Called "Frank Johnson visits me"
She told the redneck that her films
Were quite a sight to see
Mysteriously she liked the redneck
And made it very clear
She smooched the redneck right away
And whispered in his ear
She said she'd fool around with him
If he gave her a beer
The redneck and the porno star
Went to the nearest place
That sold liquor cheap as heck
As low as two bucks a case
The redneck gave the star some beer
With a huge grin on his face
Then after she had drank the beer
Enough to suit her taste
She told the redneck that the night
She's sure she wouldn't waste
She'd have some fun with a stranger
One who wasn't chaste
The redneck then made his move
And said his favorite line,
"You like fish sandwiches?" he did say
And he added, "Want some wine?"
The porno star just smiled and said,
"You know, you're just too kind."
The redneck continued his strategy
To get her in the mood
He would not slow down his quick pace
And thus the star was wooed
He continued to give this girl
Lots of drink and food
Until at last the porn star said
She wanted to leave right then
She suggested they find a motel
Where check out was later than ten
She didn't want to get up early
She wanted to sleep in
The redneck then found a motel
And the two found a cheap room
They went straight to the bed
To start their business soon
And this lucky redneck could only think,
"Oh yeah!" and, "Va-Va-Voom!"
But he wasn't lucky after all
The next day he did find
He caught a bunch of STD's
He guessed it might be nine
At least it felt like nine he thought;
The pain caused him to whine
The redneck went to a hospital
And stayed there for some weeks
He had to heal from his ailments
So comfort he did seek
He also noticed a pretty nurse
With quite a set of cheeks
He developed a fondness for this nurse
He could not get over it
For she did have a certain body
The kind that wouldn't quit
His unpleasant condition made him cry
But a hope in him she lit
So the redneck met some babes during
This classic fairy tale
The lesson he got from this is
Promiscuity does not fail
If you get diseased a nurse will cure you
One with quite a tail
Do I agree with the redneck?
I don't know why you ask me
For I just told you all he did
Because I care for thee
I give you facts and information,
Report unbiasedly.
The Redneck and the Porno Star© COPYRIGHT 2005 Scotty "Boom-Body" McManus.
Reproduction prohibited without permission from the author.
02/23/05
